We do not so much need the help of our friends as the confidence of their help in need." Epicur

"Friends show their love in times of trouble..."
-- Euripides (408 B.C.)

So...Friends huh?
What is with people and the need to USE a friend?
What is it with someone that always takes and when you need it the most they let you down?
What is it that when someone finds a different set of friends they tend to forget who was there for them in the first place?
Is it right to use someone and then dispose of that someone after you don't need the help anymore?

I guess either I am doing something wrong or I keep getting the boot from friends. I guess I am too eager to help. I guess it's in my nature to answer always my cell phone and be there for anyone who needs me. I guess I am meant to be used and then when my help is no longer needed, I get to be disposed of. Why do I keep doing it, I don't know. Why I keep being nice, I don't know.

There is one thing I need to learn: to trust less, to help less and be less than nice. I need to learn to say NO and say I DON’T KNOW. Maybe I will stop being used. I don't ask for help often; but when I ask, you better get ready. Because if you are less ready than when I was for you, I will cut you off from my life. I don't need part time friends. I need full time friends. You get what you offer. If that would be true, I should be getting more than I actually receive. Somehow there is no balance in the shitload you get for all the big loads of good you give.

I am tired of being there for everyone and nobody there for me. I am just tired of people. I am disappointed. I am not asking for much, I only ask to be considered in your plans without you having to ask for permission to do it.

"Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival." CS Lewis

Friendship

friend·ship

–noun

1.

the state of being a friend; association as friends: to value a person's friendship.

2.

a friendly relation or intimacy.

3.

friendly feeling or disposition.

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Origin:
before 900; Middle English; Old English frēondscipe.

—Synonyms 2.  harmony, accord, understanding, rapport.

 

This is the standard definition from the dictionary. It actually doesn't really convey much of a sense. It's too unclear, maybe for me.

 

It can be defined in so many ways.

 

One of them would be "person you call in time of need". Let me explain. We call those "friends" because they are there when we need them. After that we kinda forget they exist until...we need them again.

 

Another one would be "the people we love and cherish and we constantly keep in touch, we share the good, the bads and the ugly, we laugh toghether and we cry toghether, even from the distance".

 

We tend to say that "we love" our friends. We call them and we tell them sometimes how much we appreciate them in our lives. Sometimes we just drop few words in an email or just forward a good joke, but it means that we are thinking about them.

 

We "care" about their welfare. For some of them we care like they are our own families. We hurt when they hurt and we laught when they laugh. We take the time to stop by their house and say hello. We care enough to drive a tousand miles to hold their hands when they are sick. We might even care so much we get in a plane as soon as they call for help.

 

We give them our best advice, and we hurt when they just don't take it. In fact they ignore it so bad, they seem almost rude about it. They reject what we give them with vengeance, like we are doing them some bad service. Rejection hurts. If you have a valid reason for that rejection. Not just some friggin' childish sorry excuses.

We give them support in the times of need, but sometimes they turn their back and get support from someone else. Soemtimes they don't see us as their friends but their enemies since we tell it like it is. And yes, truth hurts.

If I cannot tell you my whole truth, I cannnot be yours truly. I cannot lie. I know it's called "diplomacy". In a friendship "diplomacy" means we sugarcoat the truth.
I refuse to sugarcoat it. Hey, either you take it or leave it. I am not changing for you. If you cannot take it as I am, leave. I don't need you to sugarcoat it for me, so I won't do it for you. That is how I understand being a true friend to you. If you cannot appreciate it, get the h*** out of my life.

 

I don't tolerate much of ignorance from "so called friends" that only find me just to treat me as an information booth. If you don't want my advice and if you don't want to hear what I have to say, don't call me. I will probably won't be telling you what you want to hear it anyway. But is my duty as a friend not to let you do a mistake. And I'll call you out on it. I'll try to keep you from doing it. But I won't be talking forever. One day you will notice I don't tell you s*** again. If you mess it up after that, guess what? Don't come to me crying, because I won't care anymore. So...label warning...I am insane!

 

 

Do we really appreciate our friends in our lives? When it was the last time you were not overwhelmed with your own problems to just make a phone call and ask : "can I help you with anything?", "I miss you", "just call to say I am still here and I love you"?

When it was the last time you took the time to just be "there"?

 

I might be ok with some things that are going on. But I hate the lies, the talking behind my back. Don't call me because you feel obligated. Don't call me because you "have to" or just to fill the gaps between two other "friends" conversations. I don't want to be a "filler". I want to be as important as I consider you in my life. If you cannot give me that, please leave me the h** alone. I don't work with half measurements. I want the full attention. The same undivided attention that I give you. And no, don't just pretend "you care". I am not easily fooled.

Stop for a minute and think about...the people you love as friends. Stop and think about it. How many you can actually call in the middle of the night and you are sure they will be there for you, dropping everything so just to jump in the car and be there? Those are the real friends. Closer than brother, closer than sisters. The ones who stick their neck for you.

I know which category I am: I will be there for you, unconditional. Can you be as commited to me as well?